How to talk to kids -- and how not to

I stole the above title from This American Life. Their show last week was all about how to talk to kids: how to entertain kids, how to answer questions about sex, how to instill fear into kids without using physical force. I'll admit that I was most interested in the final act, in which parents discussed why they yell at their kids and why it's an important disciplinary tool. One of my concerns about having children (not in the immediate future -- maybe 3 or 4 years down the road) is my lack of patience. It's a quality that I lack, to say the least. I've tried to work on it, but it seems to be just a part of my modus operandus to want things to happen really, really fast. I'm most impatient with myself. In fact, when I was in 5th grade (warning: this is a really pathetic story) if I wasn't the first kid done with my test or assignment, I'd get so angry at myself that I'd cry. It's a bit sick, I know. So one of my major concerns about childrearing is: What will I do with them when they don't do what I want them to do and/or they don't do it quickly enough? The answer: Probably scream like a banshee.

My current role at church is leading the children in their singing. Next week the kids are doing their yearly presentation to the whole congregation: they'll be speaking and singing for about 45 minutes. We practiced today and, although the practice went more smoothly than I expected, it was pretty exhausting. There are several older boys (9-12 range) who are a bit too cool to be up on the stand in front of everyone and they don't always pay attention when it's time to sing or to come to the microphone. There are three little three-year-old girls who also have a hard time paying attention. Do I scream at the kids? No. Because we're at church, I hold up a little stop sign on a popsicle stick and they know to stop whatever they're doing and look at me. Surprisingly, the stop sign on a popsicle stick works pretty well. But I can't help thinking that getting the kids' attention with volume might have a more lasting effect.

So, maybe the point is that I'm learning there is another way, besides yelling. But a good scream can be cathartic . . .